Garbha Pindasana through Upavishta Konasana

The end of the Primary Series is coming on fast...

It's odd because it took six months or more for me to get past Marichyasana D and then about four more to get past Kurmasana, but now E is throwing asanas at me like banks threw toxic mortgages at the feds in '09. About a month ago he taught me Garbha Pindasana and Kukkutasana, and then just this morning I got Baddha Konasana and Upavistha Konasana.

It definitely feels like (my continuing nemesis) Kurmasana is the "peak" of the Primary Series, because following that and Garbha Pindasana, everything else I'm doing feels like a come down in a way. In a good way. Getting into Urdhva Dhanurasana is WAY EASIER when I'm not doing it straight out of Supta Kurmasana or Kukkutasana.

Anyway, I wonder if I'll be practicing full Primary by the end of the year. That would be neat, although I think all of those engage your bandhas and balance on your Sitz bones asanas will probably hold me up. My balance is for $#!%.

Bhujapidasana through Supta Kurmasana

Holy f*ck.

I have gotten to the point where I can bind independently in Marichyasana D about 3 or 4 times a week. It usually takes about 3 or 4 tries on the first side, but I am actually able to do my twisty, knotted version of the asana. It's starting to feel all right, too.

Today, seeing me do it on my own for the second time this week, E decided I was ready to move ahead. Great! I thought. I'm making progress. And so, I finish up my 5 Navasanas and then there it is...

Bhujapidasana.

Look, I knew it was next and everything. I take a led class about once a month to challenge myself. But when I get to the second half of the primary series, I just kind of muddle through, modify freely, don't judge myself, and do whatever I can. Today though he taught me how to enter the pose properly, and he taught me the transition to Bakasana and then out to my vinyasa. E pulled my legs straight and twisted them till the knees faced upward in Kurmasana and insisted that I lengthen my spine to put my chin on the ground, not my forehead. He even pulled my hands together in Supta Kurmasana, although he left my feet with just the toes touching.

Oh... my... god. I already feel some soreness setting in. Doing those poses properly -- even modified -- is probably the most intense thing I've done so far. Even those first times in Marichyasana C and D don't compare. As difficult as those were for me (and as Mari D still is), I feel like I know where to focus. For Mari C, if I just lengthen and twist, I'm golden. For Mari D, it's about the lean forward and the exhale as I really push my shoulder forward.

With these new poses, though, there's so much going on that I can't even begin to breakdown my focus. I know it will come with time, but I really felt like a beginner today.

Non-Attach THIS!

One of the other ashtangis -- one that I feel is extremely accomplished and who has a beautiful practice -- said to me after class today, "Your practice has been making amazing progress!" Then as I stuttered thank you, he complimented my increased flexibility, ease, and flow.

I've never been so great at receiving compliments, so after thanking him I just kind of deflected and talked about working towards the Mari D bind. But on top of my own social awkwardness, I'm struck by how good it made me feel to be complimented by him. It's difficult to accept words of encouragement as just that and not to attach to them in a non-yogic way.

Hi Again

I don't know why I decided to start a whole new blog during one of the busiest periods of my entire life, especially since I wasn't even posting regularly on my main blog.

Anyway -- I'm back!

I still can't do Marichyasana D. The horrible truth it's making me face about myself is also something I can't do yet -- by which I mean it's a challenge I haven't figured out how to overcome in life. Basically, when getting the bind on my own was absolutely impossible, I kind of didn't care. I just thought it was fun that E could put my body into that position at all. It was all, "Whoa! Oh, my go...! Wha...?!?!"

Now, though, I'm pretty damn close. I can wrap my arm, but not with enough openness in my shoulders that my forearm gets far enough around my knee that I can clasp fingers. Seriously, I am one inch away from getting my shoulder into a good position and wrapping my arm sufficiently.

AND NOW I'M FRUSTRATED AS HELL!

When it was hopeless, it didn't matter to me. But now that I'm so close, I've turned into this growling, tense, angry beast. I get nearly there and then I start pushing and pulling and grunting -- which I know probably just tightens me up -- but I can't let go. I need to learn to let go.

I find that this is true in everything I do in life. I can dabble or play around in all kinds of things, but when it approaches some tier related to accomplishment or whatnot my instinct is to just push through or give up. I never just steadily proceed and allow the breakthrough to happen whenever it will happen.

The only place this isn't really true is writing. But I feel like that's because you don't have to be linear about writing a play. You want to skip to the end? Then skip to the end. Ta-da! Now fill in the part you skipped.

Unfortunately, there's no way to do that with yoga. At least, not one I can think of.

Escape from Marichyasana D

I started binding in Marichyasana D last week, but I can only do it with help from E, my teacher. I didn't practice Sunday because I was away on a little beach vacation, so I was a little stiff this morning. I got into position while he was spotting someone else and was able to twist but not bind.

As I'm coming out of the modified asana, I see E walking to my mat with this look on his face.

Me: You don't have to look so threatening.
E: That's not threatening. That's, "There is no escape." Okay... maybe it's a little threatening.

Then he made me do it again.

The weirdest thing about the Marichyasana D spot is that it's like, "Hey! Let's get into make out position!" You grab my arm, and I'll grab your elbow. You put one leg around my hip and the other over my leg. Then reach around and hold my hand until I can clasp my own...

Doesn't it sound like there should be some smooching somewhere in there?

But there isn't. And it's weird because it's both physical and intimate without being erotic at all. Or, at least, it's not erotic to me, and E is even a looker. I guess -- since I've never really played any sports -- that I'm not usually in a position like that (physical, intimate, NOT erotic). Usually, it's all three or none of the above. But maybe this points toward a good thing: that my focus during my practice is well-placed.