One of the other ashtangis -- one that I feel is extremely accomplished and who has a beautiful practice -- said to me after class today, "Your practice has been making amazing progress!" Then as I stuttered thank you, he complimented my increased flexibility, ease, and flow.
I've never been so great at receiving compliments, so after thanking him I just kind of deflected and talked about working towards the Mari D bind. But on top of my own social awkwardness, I'm struck by how good it made me feel to be complimented by him. It's difficult to accept words of encouragement as just that and not to attach to them in a non-yogic way.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Hi Again
I don't know why I decided to start a whole new blog during one of the busiest periods of my entire life, especially since I wasn't even posting regularly on my main blog.
Anyway -- I'm back!
I still can't do Marichyasana D. The horrible truth it's making me face about myself is also something I can't do yet -- by which I mean it's a challenge I haven't figured out how to overcome in life. Basically, when getting the bind on my own was absolutely impossible, I kind of didn't care. I just thought it was fun that E could put my body into that position at all. It was all, "Whoa! Oh, my go...! Wha...?!?!"
Now, though, I'm pretty damn close. I can wrap my arm, but not with enough openness in my shoulders that my forearm gets far enough around my knee that I can clasp fingers. Seriously, I am one inch away from getting my shoulder into a good position and wrapping my arm sufficiently.
AND NOW I'M FRUSTRATED AS HELL!
When it was hopeless, it didn't matter to me. But now that I'm so close, I've turned into this growling, tense, angry beast. I get nearly there and then I start pushing and pulling and grunting -- which I know probably just tightens me up -- but I can't let go. I need to learn to let go.
I find that this is true in everything I do in life. I can dabble or play around in all kinds of things, but when it approaches some tier related to accomplishment or whatnot my instinct is to just push through or give up. I never just steadily proceed and allow the breakthrough to happen whenever it will happen.
The only place this isn't really true is writing. But I feel like that's because you don't have to be linear about writing a play. You want to skip to the end? Then skip to the end. Ta-da! Now fill in the part you skipped.
Unfortunately, there's no way to do that with yoga. At least, not one I can think of.
Anyway -- I'm back!
I still can't do Marichyasana D. The horrible truth it's making me face about myself is also something I can't do yet -- by which I mean it's a challenge I haven't figured out how to overcome in life. Basically, when getting the bind on my own was absolutely impossible, I kind of didn't care. I just thought it was fun that E could put my body into that position at all. It was all, "Whoa! Oh, my go...! Wha...?!?!"
Now, though, I'm pretty damn close. I can wrap my arm, but not with enough openness in my shoulders that my forearm gets far enough around my knee that I can clasp fingers. Seriously, I am one inch away from getting my shoulder into a good position and wrapping my arm sufficiently.
AND NOW I'M FRUSTRATED AS HELL!
When it was hopeless, it didn't matter to me. But now that I'm so close, I've turned into this growling, tense, angry beast. I get nearly there and then I start pushing and pulling and grunting -- which I know probably just tightens me up -- but I can't let go. I need to learn to let go.
I find that this is true in everything I do in life. I can dabble or play around in all kinds of things, but when it approaches some tier related to accomplishment or whatnot my instinct is to just push through or give up. I never just steadily proceed and allow the breakthrough to happen whenever it will happen.
The only place this isn't really true is writing. But I feel like that's because you don't have to be linear about writing a play. You want to skip to the end? Then skip to the end. Ta-da! Now fill in the part you skipped.
Unfortunately, there's no way to do that with yoga. At least, not one I can think of.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Day After Day
I've noticed that I have a pattern in how well my practice goes each week.
Day 1: Whether I took one day off or two, there are still cobwebs and tightness. Almost makes me want to practice daily, but that would be too exhausting. Plus, there's something pleasurable about taking the time to start over again.
Day 2 (which is what today was, because I didn't practice Sunday): I feel back to where I left off last week, but it takes effort.
Day 3: This is always a crap practice day for me. I don't know why. My focus is usually off, and I'm suddenly sore in weird places -- different places each week. If it happens this way tomorrow, I'll let you know where. I imagine it's because new places open up each week, which I guess is good, but it's still kind of annoying.
Day 4: On this day, I usually fly. It's pretty much always my best practice day.
Day 5: I'm tired. That's all that matters. Tired. If I'm smart and take it slow, it's a good day. If I'm impatient and just try to get it done, it's a bad day. Whichever it is doesn't change the fact that I'm tired.
Day 6: I've only done six days once (last week). I was so psyched that I made it a whole week that it sort of over-rode any other feelings.
As for today, specifically, I was able to do all 5 Navasanas without flopping around (I usually lose form a bit for 4 and definitely for 5)! However, I couldn't lift up between 4 and 5. I mean, I did, but it was a totally wimpy, short breath, and just a quick up-down-oh-my-god-get-me-through-this-because-I'm-DONE! kind of lift up. Maybe tomorrow I'll do all 5 AND lift up good and proper.
Day 1: Whether I took one day off or two, there are still cobwebs and tightness. Almost makes me want to practice daily, but that would be too exhausting. Plus, there's something pleasurable about taking the time to start over again.
Day 2 (which is what today was, because I didn't practice Sunday): I feel back to where I left off last week, but it takes effort.
Day 3: This is always a crap practice day for me. I don't know why. My focus is usually off, and I'm suddenly sore in weird places -- different places each week. If it happens this way tomorrow, I'll let you know where. I imagine it's because new places open up each week, which I guess is good, but it's still kind of annoying.
Day 4: On this day, I usually fly. It's pretty much always my best practice day.
Day 5: I'm tired. That's all that matters. Tired. If I'm smart and take it slow, it's a good day. If I'm impatient and just try to get it done, it's a bad day. Whichever it is doesn't change the fact that I'm tired.
Day 6: I've only done six days once (last week). I was so psyched that I made it a whole week that it sort of over-rode any other feelings.
As for today, specifically, I was able to do all 5 Navasanas without flopping around (I usually lose form a bit for 4 and definitely for 5)! However, I couldn't lift up between 4 and 5. I mean, I did, but it was a totally wimpy, short breath, and just a quick up-down-oh-my-god-get-me-through-this-because-I'm-DONE! kind of lift up. Maybe tomorrow I'll do all 5 AND lift up good and proper.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Escape from Marichyasana D
I started binding in Marichyasana D last week, but I can only do it with help from E, my teacher. I didn't practice Sunday because I was away on a little beach vacation, so I was a little stiff this morning. I got into position while he was spotting someone else and was able to twist but not bind.
As I'm coming out of the modified asana, I see E walking to my mat with this look on his face.
Me: You don't have to look so threatening.
E: That's not threatening. That's, "There is no escape." Okay... maybe it's a little threatening.
Then he made me do it again.
The weirdest thing about the Marichyasana D spot is that it's like, "Hey! Let's get into make out position!" You grab my arm, and I'll grab your elbow. You put one leg around my hip and the other over my leg. Then reach around and hold my hand until I can clasp my own...
Doesn't it sound like there should be some smooching somewhere in there?
But there isn't. And it's weird because it's both physical and intimate without being erotic at all. Or, at least, it's not erotic to me, and E is even a looker. I guess -- since I've never really played any sports -- that I'm not usually in a position like that (physical, intimate, NOT erotic). Usually, it's all three or none of the above. But maybe this points toward a good thing: that my focus during my practice is well-placed.
As I'm coming out of the modified asana, I see E walking to my mat with this look on his face.
Me: You don't have to look so threatening.
E: That's not threatening. That's, "There is no escape." Okay... maybe it's a little threatening.
Then he made me do it again.
The weirdest thing about the Marichyasana D spot is that it's like, "Hey! Let's get into make out position!" You grab my arm, and I'll grab your elbow. You put one leg around my hip and the other over my leg. Then reach around and hold my hand until I can clasp my own...
Doesn't it sound like there should be some smooching somewhere in there?
But there isn't. And it's weird because it's both physical and intimate without being erotic at all. Or, at least, it's not erotic to me, and E is even a looker. I guess -- since I've never really played any sports -- that I'm not usually in a position like that (physical, intimate, NOT erotic). Usually, it's all three or none of the above. But maybe this points toward a good thing: that my focus during my practice is well-placed.
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